The rumor mill grinds on

When Santa isn’t looking we sneak off to the elf lounge and surf the Internet so we can keep up with everything happening south of us. Santa can’t come in because he won’t squeeze through the door. Us elves didn’t just fall off the turnip truck, you know.

I really hate to admit this, but I’m quite impressed with all those Christmas display pictures and videos we’ve been seeing. We watched some show called “Invasion of the Christmas Lights 2” and easily recognized some of you PlanetChristmas characters. If I was to believe everything on TV it seems you put out a couple of decorations the day after Halloween and wait until just before Thanksgiving to pull all-nighters in order to get your display assembled. Surely there’s something going on in between. If Santa caught any of us doing nothing for all that time we would be experiencing the joy of cleaning stalls in the reindeer barn.

I’ve received a real earful about LED light strings this year. Seems they last forever or just a few hours and there’s no in-between. When a string goes out on a bush it’s no big deal to replace but those bad ones 30 feet up in a tree are another story. What’s the solution? Incandescents. If it aint broke, don’t fix it. Give me an old fashioned 60 watt light bulb that also keeps you nice and toasty any day of the week. Gotta have LEDs or die? Think C7 LED retrofits. No fancy training is required to replace a bad bulb.

Us elves are longtime members of the Forums of PlanetChristmas but we were surprised to get a call from Chuck Smith a couple of weeks ago asking for advice. Seems he was perplexed by the run of negative/snide/mean remarks in many forum posts and was wondering if we had any wisdom. Yep. We reminded him of those three rules he keeps preaching: positive, family friendly and Christmas-centric. We told him to quit pussy footing around and get rid of the ones breaking the rules so the rest can enjoy the place. There was this really long silence and Chuck mumbled something about not seeing the forest for the trees. I’m not sure what that means since we have no forests or trees up here. Judging by the drama we’ve seen in the Forums, it’s obvious Chuck is addressing the situation. Welcome back positive, family friendly and Christmas-centric Forums of PlanetChristmas! We missed you.

Seems some decorators into this fancy new synchronized lighting have your hearts set on creating the equivalent of perpetual motion or maybe even cold-fusion power. Rumors are rampant there are people plugging the power inputs of these light controller boxes into the power outputs of the same boxes and wondering why nothing lights up. I’m thinking you might be the same ones that think that little CD/DVD tray that pops out of your computer is really a cup holder. As Homer would say: D’OH!
Christmas is right around the corner. Don’t forget it’s better to give than receive. Now get out there and stimulate the economy! I’m certainly ready to start receiving.

So much more to say but no more room. Don’t worry. I’ll be back! From all of us at Santa’s Workshop: Merry Christmas!

This article was included in the December 2010 issue of PlanetChristmas Magazine.

By Master Elf N. B. Scuttlebutt