The Rumor Mill has found more… rumors.

Half fact, half rumor and half wild speculation

Santa gave all the elves the afternoon off in early November so I wandered down to the well heated North Pole Galleria to grab a couple of slices of supreme pizza at Sbarro since I’m trying to watch my weight. The place was already decorated for Christmas and right there in center court was Santa sitting on a throne and talking to kids. I had always wondered why he suddenly became so hard to find the last two months of the year. I assumed he was working on delivery logistics for all those presents he had to distribute really early Christmas morning. Nope. He’s sitting around jabbering with all the kids at the mall and constantly getting his picture taken. What a loafer. The elves are going to have a talk with the big man in red, but in January.

The world economy must be getting better because all the Christmas vendors that can find time to talk to me are super-stressed. They can’t get the product out the door fast enough. Seems there’s a shortage of giant red bows, blue Christmas lights and Duck Dynasty inspired camouflaged Christmas trees. I can understand bows and lights, but why try and hide the tree? Happy, happy, happy.

We pointed the satellite dish towards the USA and picked up ‘The Great Christmas Light Fight’ on TV. I was so hoping for a ‘Survivor’ inspired reality show with back stabbing, rumor spreading decorators only thinking of themselves. No such luck. Too many people with hearts of gold trying to put smiles on faces. That’s not interesting TV to this gossip starved elf. Come on people. We need drama! Someone at least needs to stick a finger in a live C7 socket so they can create their own lifelong decorating memory. Boring humans!
Those of you with sharp eyes watching ‘The Great Christmas Light Fight’ saw products from Christmas Done Bright, Light-O-Rama and All Things Christmas and More… all advertisers in this magazine. There were actually more but the elves seemed to be in quite the partying mood because the eggnog might have been flowing a little too freely for me to catch all the other vendors. Good show for getting some 2014 ideas. I still wish it had snide remarks coming from the mouths of evil- inspired competitors.

I am glad to see more traditional decorating coming back for this year. I still catch an occasional glimpse of the black and/or pink Christmas tree, but the old fashioned green ones are making a real comeback. A word to the wise: just because you cut down a white tree in the woods doesn’t mean it stays that color when you put it in the shop. The snow is going to melt, leaving a mess and a green tree. Last week I squirrel somehow got inside. It showed up about the same time as our white Christmas tree. Hmmmmmm.

Battery operated Christmas lights. Put them anywhere. Love it! Replacing the batteries. Hate it. Got to be a better way. Let me know when someone figures out this challenge. Is nuclear cold fusion still on the table?

We’re in Christmas crunch time at the shop. Everything has to be in the sleigh by December 24 and the days aren’t long enough right now. I do take an occasional break and will always make time to listen to a good rumor. You’re lucky I share the really juicy ones only with you.

This article was included in the December 2013 issue of PlanetChristmas Magazine.

By Master Elf N. B. Scuttlebutt

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