Rumor mill

Half fact, half rumor and half wild speculation of a Christmas amateur

I have a normal eared brother that lives way down south. He’s a Christmas amateur, meaning he only thinks about it in December. His decorations consist of a predecorated tree from the discount store and an inflatable snowman in the front yard (with coffee stains on it, for some reason.) The good news is he knows to be a good dad to my super-cute niece that very much believes in what we do up here at the North Pole.

My brother did his annual ‘Christmas Lights Tour 2011’ after extensive research on displays found via the Internet and made an interesting comment. “After driving 121 miles to see five displays, those fancy computerized lights seemed to be everywhere.” I’m no math whiz but I’m thinking that’s 24.2 miles between displays and it’s not exactly Christmas decorating saturation. Maybe the distance between displays was just long enough for the back seat passenger to doze off and provide peace and quiet. This elf won’t be happy until every single house decorates for Christmas, big time!

Word from the field is LED Christmas lights are great when they work. Unfortunately, the failure rate seems unusually high eating into that 100,000 hour lifespan claim by the salespeople. Someone’s going to get rich selling a super-easy-to-use LED string fixer in 2012. Hint, hint.

Been watching all the videos submitted to PlanetChristmas. LOVE THEM! In my humble (and always correct) opinion, the leaping arches are starting to look so ‘yesterday.’ Some are straightening those arches and making them simple vertical poles in their venue. They tend to be invisible until they start leaping to life. Great effect. I heard someone talk about those ‘leapers’ and loved them. I agree. You heard it here first. Leapers are the thing for 2012.

The big man in red just finished our annual AARR (after action report review) where we talk about how to improve for the next year. Some of us ‘toiling at the tables’ making the toys are starting to get enamored with technology after seeing the television commercial of Santa using an iPhone. Santa just chuckled when we suggested the elves needed iPhones. He responded there’s no service available in the workshop so forgetaboutit. He probably shouldn’t have said that because I’m now heading up the skunk works team to modernize what we do. Don’t tell the big man in red but the elves are about to enter the 21st century. Can someone tell me what’s a facebook?

From all of us at Santa’s Workshop: Merry Christmas!


This article was included in the December 2011 issue of PlanetChristmas Magazine.

By Master Elf N. B. Scuttlebutt

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