Scuttlebutt

Rumors and unsubstantiated semi-facts

The Rumor Mill
LEDs Light Emitting Diodes. Let me get this straight. These things are suppose to save the world. They last forever, use next to no electricity and are revolutionizing the Christmas decorating world. I only need to say this once. Bah Humbug! LEDs. Lousy, Expensive and for Dummies. We definitely don’t need any new fangled technology up here at the North Pole workshop. After using good old electric light bulbs for the last hundred years there’s no reason to change, especially since they’re proven to work, unlike some of the slacker elves around this place. I can buy 60 watt light…
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The Grinch…
When it comes to “Do-it-Yourself” wizardry, I don’t think you will find a more creative bunch of people than those that do extreme Halloween displays. Their uses for motors, pneumatic actuators and levers never cease to amaze me. Now, I know what you’re saying; you’re saying “Blasphemy! This isn’t PlanetHalloween Magazine…it’s PlanetChristmas Magazine!” To which I reply “Feel free to write your own column.” To be fair, we do have a lot of creative people around here as is illustrated by the fact that it took two editions of PlanetChristmas Magazine to cover just a few of the ideas people…
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So many LED based Christmas lights
I’m not worried. Well, maybe a little. It’s been the oddest thing. Until this year we’ve been quite self-sufficient at the North Pole. When we needed raw material to build another line of toys we just went to the shelf and there was everything we could possibly need. I’ll admit I was on vacation in January but way too many elves stuck here in the workshop told me about all the corporate jets flying in for behind-closed-doors meetings with Santa. I just assumed the big man in red was working on some sort of grand surprise party for all us…
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The Grinch hates flying
The Grinch made it to re-PLUS in Louisville on August 1. It wasn’t the first time I’ve gone to one of these but it was the first time I was going to one that was being held in a city where there was something for the rest of the family to do while I was hanging out with a bunch of demented decorators. When I mentioned the possibility of attending to my wife in January she immediately replied “Sure! That sounds like it will be fun.” The kids, however, had a few questions they wanted answered before committing to the…
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Marking your territory
There’s a morgue under the house according to my wife. It’s where I store most of the Christmas decorations because it’s cool, relatively dry and full of critters that love living in blowmold cavities. Most have died but a few still move around enjoying a predator free environment. I learned years ago it’s best to pull most of the stuff out of the morgue during late summer so it can air out and de-mildew in the bright sunshine before the real Christmas decorating begins. That’s what I did last weekend. I had to put up a “private property” sign in…
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People like to be respected
The other day I went out to my car and found the glove box open and the owner’s manual lying open on the driver’s seat. As I have never opened the glove box since I bought the vehicle, I cleverly deduced that someone had been rummaging around in my car. Fortunately, they didn’t take anything but when I went to check the video surveillance system I found that there was a blind spot on the passenger side of the car. I purchased a few more cameras and was up on the ladder mounting one to the side of the house…
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“Yur lites R stupid”
If you are reading this magazine then I think it’s safe to assume that you’re “one of those people” that goes a little bit overboard when it comes to holiday decorating. Either that or you’re sitting in the waiting room of the dentist with the most awesome Christmas light display in town. In any case, welcome to the premiere issue of PlanetChristmas magazine. Between the covers of this magazine you’ll find all sorts of tips, tricks and techniques that will help transform your otherwise “plain vanilla” holiday display into a work of art using little more than a few pieces…
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